Different

Different 

It seems that I am different 

It comes as no surprise 

Different 

They're the same and I am different 

When seeing with their eyes.

It's not

That I'd prefer to blend in

To be more like my friends in

The ways they have become 

It's just

Not pleasant to be singled

As one who can't be mingled 

When mingling is done

Feedback

I gave some feedback today
I thought about it carefully
Wrote it down
Got it checked by two colleagues
Worried about giving it for a few days
Had second thoughts
Had third thoughts
Prefaced the feedback with context and compliments
And funnily enough
The sky didn't fall in.

Temptation

Have it now or save for later
Hold on for a pleasure greater
Distract the mind and cool the brain
Focus on the on the long term gain

Many times each day we all
Are required to make this call
to guzzle what we can today
or take a moment to delay

And these decisions span such range
From what to eat to lifestyle change
From making sure we stay in line
To starting on a life of crime

But as I write I fear that I
Have missed the moment passing by
There goes another in the air
It's very tempting not to care

This is the year

This is the year for introspection
For meditation and hesitation
Assuming the position
Creating the conditions
For reading writing and creating
Practicing and music making            
    
This is the year for not performing
For paying heed to  the early warning
For balancing and taking in
For listening to the voice within

This is the year for making lists
For noticing and to resist
For moving on with no excuses

The superego has its uses

This is the year for finding time
 For working on that killer line
For taking steps outside the shell
For trusting it will all be well

Charity

"Do you want to help young homeless people over Christmas?", she said to my faceless face, her youthful beauty and smile - a tool of her trade.
"I work for a youth homelessness charity" I responded and I rushed past - my hurried flexi-time lunch-break walk just beyond comfort.
"Even more reason" she appealed to my passing shadow.

"You look like a nice person", he said - his self effacing Scots drawl - appealing alongside his slight student frame - clip board in hand - hopeful smile.
"No I'm not" - escaped from my mouth before I had time to think about it

Watershed

I like to be  a stranger in a public place
Black coffee    
Hidden faces behind laptop screens
It has to be the right sort of place
The sort of place someone like me would go
Someone like me
Mourning the impossibility
Of finding enough time
To be alone
To be with others
To be alone with others
Alone with my thoughts
Without my thoughts
To observe without distraction
Aversion or attraction
Expansion and contraction
Are the only certainties.

Wemberley

I'm off to Wembley in a few minutes. Its the third time in 2 years. I want everything to be perfect. It won't be. My stomach feels weird - nit my own. I'd love to think that its pre-match nerves but the symptoms are too similar you youngest son who came home from school ill on thursday. He's not nervous about the game - and I'm not sure that the butterflies are contagious in that way.

(Pause to feed whinging cat - he's not nervous either)

I decided not to go on the coach from cardiff with friend who took children and fathers. I opted for the drinking choice, the cheap hotel, the national express. Not sure my stomach agrees. I have to hide my blue shiny shirt until I meet the protection of the crowd - living as I do in enemy territory. The bus will be a shiny blue sea.

Fretting about being late because of traffic, about being too hot, being too cold, drinking too much and being ill, not drinking enough and being left out, losing my stuff, missing the bus. Oh - before i forget - there's the small matter of a game. Not much I can do about that.

Back

After seven months of silence three of which were imposed by a nasty hacker who made this blog redirect to a counter ad - I'm back. Thanks go to the friend who managed to return this blog to its rightful owner - me. All I need now is something to say.