Decisions

She's away this week. There are lots of things I want to do with my limited free time. Mostly things that would cause discussion, negotiation, possible consternation if she were home. She's usually happy for me to get stuff out of my system - usually by putting stuff into my system.

On the way home from work today, I had several ideas. The first one was to go to the pub for a pint and read my book, then get chips and indian snacks and bring them home. I had less than three hours between getting home and going to the Open "No mic". I toyed with the idea of trying out the Morrocan - not the one I've been to - but I remembered the sign in the window saying "No alcohol during the month of ramadan". This didn't fit.

In thinking about going for a pint I was clear that it would be in the Sugar Loaf. I like reading my book in public places and I'm gripped by my current novel - Crime by Irvine Welsh. Then it occured to me that I might meet someone in the Loaf and would have to chat and not read.

I settled on the Thali cafe. I had some deliberation over whether or not the line outside was double yellow. With the assistance of the Thali guy I decided it was and didn't park there. I went to the offie and having procured a large bottle of San Miguel, I entered the cafe and disappointingly the queue. When I got to the front I was surprisingly unperterbed by the £1 I was charged for bringing a bottle.

"Will you open it for me in that case?" I insisted.

He did.

I decided to sit on the sofa and as I opened my book I noticed that the woman sitting opposite was someone i had vaguely known about 17 years ago. I was prepared for a cursory smile but when she looked up she blanked me. I would prefer to think that she was having one to one time with herself like me - rather than her not recognising me.

Ladies and Gents

A toilet in an office I visited today

Danger

I am trying out my new camera. This was in my road. In hadn't noticed it before but did when loking for things to photograph.

All the work
Seeing as he hardly talks to me unless I contact him and when I do see him he doesn't tell me anything unless I ask him direct questions - I occasionally log on to find out what he's thinking. Sometimes I get some clues this way.

When he's offish towards me I scan my memory to think of what it is I've done to cause this. This is a character flaw of mine. If I was a better person I wouldn't give a shit.

He reminds me of someone else who always seems to make others do all the work of communication. When I ask him a question, he makes a noise/ gesture which could equally be yes or no. I have to ask him again to see what he means. He is oblivious.

I'm sick and tired.

Bouncer

Waiting
We were in the waiting room of the Natural Health Clinic. We'd had a difficult conversation in the car on the way there and things were a bit intense. The homeopath (Ellen) was 15 minutes late. I was pacing the room and he sat in a chair. There was no one else in the large room and my mind was full of concerned thoughts about what he had told me about school difficulties. I was worried that he would get too gloomy so I changed the subject.
"I wish she'd hurry up," I said. "I'm really hungry."
He looked confused.
"But Ellen won't have any food. " He said.
I smiled and asked him what he thought I might have meant.
His face broke into a massive grin.
"You mean so you can get home quicker don't you. I sometimes say stupid things. " he said as we both broke into a laugh.
We laughed for ages.

Punchline
Something vaguely amusing happened earlier today. Some people said some things which at the time sounded both banal and somehow poignant. I would have liked to have encapsulated this moment in writing and finished it off with a witty punchline.

Lacks and Doubts
Not sure if its lack of an angle or lack of time or lack of motivation - but some or all of these lacks seem to keep me away from here at the moment. Inspired today by the approaching end of my week off work - where did it go? and by catching up on "old stokie". Still fishing for an angle tho. I have this idea which isn't so much eating away at me - more boring at me. I want to write a book about facebook - mainly about why some people do it and other don't. A contemporary analysis of a communication epidemic. The thing is - so far - all this idea does is get in the way when I'm reading a book or listening to music. This is the nearest I've got to putting anything down. Its those bloody lack's again. I've got a couple of extra ones on this project also. You'd better do it quickly or someone else will, you'll never have time to do it properly, with work and son and relationships, if you do it it'll be crap - best to hold onto the idea as a seed rather than let it grow into a weed.

Do I have what it takes to be single minded enough to get something done. I see other doing it, the mad professor, my glorious leader even old stokie at times. Am I willing to let go of all the distractions and dispersions - the dozens of mini projects and side interests and put it all inot getting one thing done well.