Northbound?
"Crunch" is a word which approximated the sound made when someone went into the back of my car earlier today. I felt my neck and shoulders whip forwards - looked in the the rear view mirror and noticed a woman driving a car too closely behind me. I was on the M5 going south on the way from work to pick up my son - a journey I do every friday between 4pm and about 4.45. The traffic had become heavy a few miles after the Portishead turn as as far a I was concerned I had been stationary when the woman in the Audi had invaded my bumper so rudely. I touched the pause button on the touch pad of my MP3 player and halted the new Arcade Fire album I had ripped from a work colleague this morning. I turned the handbrake on and leaving the engine running I got out of the car.

A quick examination od the rear of my vehicle found it unharmed - thank god for my tow bar. The Audi woman adjusted her broken number plate and headed back towards her car with a frown. She muttered some words which I translated as
"Try looking in your mirror..."
"What!" I yelled, "I wasn't moving."
"Yes you were" she said getting in her car, "You were going backwards."
I got in my car also - contemplating the possibility that in an Arcade Fire dreamworld - I may have been slipping backwards town the middle lane of the M5 (Southbound) without noticing.
Not a bloody chance - I concluded - not with that "Crunch" the lying cow - no wonder she was off so quickly.
I started to rub my neck - worrying about whiplash.