Excitement
I got very excited about two things the week before last. When I get excited about things I often want to tell others about them and have them share my interest and excitement. The problem is - people don't generally like to be told by someone else what they should be interested in or excited about. People tend to resist overt suggestions from others. I know this because I am the same. The best way to get someone interested in something is to tell them about it without having any interest in them feeling the same as you. I know this - and it was reinforced by both of the things which excited me (a course and a book). My knowledge of this facet of human behaviour unfortunately flies in the face of the excited state I find myself in when I'm captivated by something and almost invariably I try to impose it on others.

Sunday Revelation
Today's going loads better than I expected. I woke up with the hangover of the hopeless thoughts that dogged me at the tail end of yesterday. I knew that these thoughts were an aftershock of the difficult discussion we had had earlier in the day - but I couldn't help worrying that they would cast a shadow over my "free day" and worse - lead me to say or do things I might later regret.

I got in the bath at 7.30 and picked up my book - not expecting to focus - but to my surprise I was near the end of the chapter before too many internal interruptions. Having read for nearly an hour I got out and did the washing up. She was still asleep and I relished this time to myself. She was up by the time I returned from the paper shop - and I noticed my mood had lifted slightly and I didn't react too badly to the end of my time alone.

My stomach felt bloated from last nights curry and I decided not to eat anything until it had settled down. Instead I opened the paper and started reading the news section. I haven't done this for ages - usually jumping straight to the crossword and often getting no further. I read about child abuse and social work disasters and chatted seriously with my partner across the table. The crossword went OK though not spectacularly. I noted an article in the review section that I intended to read later.

After her bath we decided to go to town to look in FOPP for some CD's we both wanted. I am usually resentful about driving on the weekend - but I let it go and was amazed to find a parking space just off Park St which was free on sundays. On entering FOPP she pointed aout the Nick Cave section where they had both the albums I was looking for for £3 each. Amazing! I also bought another cd and a book I'd heard of. We went up Park Street looking for breakfast. We found a posh cafe which served expensive breakfasts. We went on further to Rocotillos but it was too full so we returned to the posh place. The serving guy was attentive - like a Maitre D and I liked it. Whilst we waited for our food I started reading the article about the "Great Thinker" Malcolm Gladwell which had caught my eye. I never read non-fiction nowadays - but clearly I am ready to start again because I was so impressed I went into Blackwells and bought one of his books.

Things have continued to go well. When I stopped looking to others to fulfill me - they started.

Commando
On Wednesday I went swimming before work. I have an exercise regime which means I want to do at least one form of exercise a week. I keep a chart by my computer to monitor this and meet with a colleague for friend breakfast once a month or so to monitor it. I have missed a couple of weeks because of half term and not feeling 100%. I prepared my stuff the night before because its always a rush and I try to not to wake her up when I get out of bed at 6.30. I left trunks, pants, trousers and shirt on the chair in my sons room on tuesday night. He doesn't use the room in the week.

The alarm didn't go off at 6.30 and opening my eye I noticed that it was 6.55. I got out of bed in a daze and wandered into my son's room to get dressed. (I found out later that I had set the alarm for 7.30 by mistake. I often get this wrong as I'm usually tired when I do it.) I got to the pool at 7.20 and as I scrabbled for change I remembered that I had forgotten to bring my pants. (I was wearing my trunks to save time. I enjoyed the swim - though I only managed 30 lengths as I was late and knackered (I usually do 40). I toyed with the idea of going home to pick up some pants but decided I would have a commando day instead. I wanted to go in early as my hours are down at work and I had lots to do.

My main concern - now that I had realised that wearing these trousers without pants wasn't uncomfortable was to challenge myself not to do what I would usually do - tell everyone about it. I am aware of my exhibitionist tendancies and often enjoy them - but I thought that in these circumstances it would be best to keep schtum. I managed this well all morning - through the team meeting and a staff superision session I had with one of my team. Lunch was fine and it wasn't until after 3pm that it started to nag at me. The colleague I was most likely to share this with was sitting next to me and I knew that we would have a giggle about it. I decided to go half way but to stick with my plan. I told her that there was something I was challenging myself not to tell her as it was unnecessary and innapropriate to share. She found this infuriating but it kept me going for a while. I got all the way to 4.50 - ten minutes before I was due to leave before I let it out to three people in the office - two women and one man. We shared "Commando" stories. I was both happy and ashamed.

Leonard

Hallelujah



So Long Marianne

Len
I went to see Leonard Cohen last night. It was at the Cardiff International Arena(CIA) which unlike its namesake seems unlikely to have been involved in any third world military coups. It was a wet evening and I was soaked by the time I met my friend outside the venue. We had lunched at my mothers earlier and he had taken the train into town to explore Cardiff. He had stepped in dog shit on the way to the station - which was unfortunate - though the rain had washed it all off by now.

For a while I stood contemplating buying a tour t-shirt. They were £20 and had a picture of Len with his hat and suit.
"I want one that will look cool", I said
"He'll be dead soon", said my friend.
"Oh - I suppose that'll be cool", I grinned.
"I think I'll save my money and get one at Nick Cave in a couple of weeks. " I said. "He always looks cool."

The concert was great. Leonard played for three hours with a 15 minute break. He was gracious in his praise for the audience and the other musicians and I loved the way he took his hat off at the end of each song and smiled as we applauded. I thought the atmosphere was a bit flat as people were incredibly well behaved - staying in our seats and not singing much. The most frustrating thing for me was to do with taking videos. I wasn't sure which songs to record so I started with a lot of songs and stopped if it wasn't one I wanted. The second set started with Tower of Song - one of my favourites. I got the whole thing. It was great - he did loads of adlibbing and chat. Later I decided I needed to delete a couple of earlier songs to allow room for one of the encores. I accidently deleted Tower of Song. Gutted!.

We ran for the last train and made it by a minute. My friend said that his set was better at Glastonbury.

Committed
"I need to talk to you", she said, "about missing the last two Tuesdays before the concert."
"I told you I would have to", I said plaintively. "I made those arrangements before you announced the date."
I was really knackered and didn't need this. We had been at the "solo group" in the upstairs room of her house since 7pm. It was now nearly ten and everyone had left apart from me, my duet partner and our teacher/ choir leader. She looked tired too.
"I'm just worried about your solo song," she said, "The others doing the backing won't have practiced it for two weeks and its not really fair on them."
"I'm sorry", I said, "but I don't know what I can do about it."
"What are you doing on the last week?" she asked.
"I've got tickets to see Nick Cave in Manchester with my son." I said - knowing that she wouldn't understand.
"Would you consider trying to sell them?" she said.
I was gobsmacked, incredulous, words like that.
"No!" I said, "It's more important.
"I'm sorry," she said, "but I needed to say something 'cos its a problem.
"I'm probably the person in the choir who's missed least rehearsals", I said.
"I know," she said. "You're my most committed choir member.
It was awkward for a bit while my duet partner made suggestions to get around the issue. Eventually leader came up with the idea that she wold sing my song in my absence for others to practice the backing. We went for a pint together afterwards.