Wonder
"Do you ever wonder how you ended up with..." he started saying when we were interupted by something.
I knew what he mean't but I asked him to finish the sentance anyway.
"Of course I do", I said, "All the time".
We arrived at the house and didn't carry on the conversation.

I continued it this morning in my head in my bath. You start off because you want to - I thought - and then you carry on because you want to.

Text
I posted him a disc with his Monster Jam videos on it. His mum and cousin had wanted to see them. I sent a note with the disc telling him I'd ordered the Monster Jam playstation game. I asked him to text me to confirm he'd recieved it. (This was a ploy to get him using his now dorment phone).

I picked him up from school this afternoon.
"I got the disc", he said.
"Good", I said.
"I didn't text you."
"No" - I said. "Have you lost your phone?"
"No", he said. "I was just - you know - caught up with things. It doesn't mean I don't care..."
"I know." I said, "Lets not get into that now - how are things at school?"

Gym
I sort of woke before the alarm today as I often do - dozing within my thoughts, trying to avoid a few more seconds of reality. After a while a chanced a peek at the LED number on the alarm clock radio. 06:56.
Shit!!! it was supposed to go off at 6.30. I was due to meet a colleague at the gym at 7.
I rushed out of the room grabbing the gym clothes I had laid out last night in my sons' room. (he doesn't stay during the week and my partner doesn't get up until 7am and I don't want to wake her). I turned on my phone in the living room as I dressed - now noticing a need to pee and not being able to decide in my panic whether to phone or pee first.
Unable to decide I went up to the bathroom, sat on the loo and called my colleague.
"Really sorry - the alarm didn't go off - I'll be there in five".
"No worries", she said.
I made sure I ended the call before I flushed. I don't know her that well.
I grabbed my things, got in the car and was there by 7.06.
She had to wait as she was signing me into the gym as a guest. its all part of me enlisting people to do sporty things with me to help me get fitter - and about her liking to be helpful. I didn't have a pound coin so she let me share her locker.
I went on the treadmill first as usual. This was a different treadmill than last time and speeds I usually found a struggle were really easy. Had I got remarkably fitter? No -I realised that some machines were set for miles and some for kilometres. Never mind! I did feel quite good about my workout feeling slightly less pathetic than last time.
I noticed a man in the gym I had known through work some years ago. We smiled at each other twice. Later as I got out of the shower he appeared and asked where I was working now. I told him and asked about his work. We chatted about the gym. It was all going well until he took off is shirt to reveal a broad chest.
It ruined my day.

Monster Jam
No... its isn't what monsters have on their toast....

Its a massive american entertainment event where big trucks race each other and jump over things. I took my son to it on saturday at the millenium stadium. I took his mother (my ex) and cousin also.

It wasn't really my cup of tea. It was too long and loud - apart from the ethical issues which I'm not even going to get into.

My son always asks me what my favourite bit was. I probably ask him the same - but often I don't know what to say.

The bit with the motorbikes - however - was quite unexpected and impressive. It was definitely my favourite bit.

Fbrak...
...is back.



http://fbrak.blogspot.com/

Woke Up This Morning
I think I've been a bit down lately. Its not been one thing - but lots of little things chipping away at me making me feel not just right. Not being on top of my work; being fed up at my ex and not able to express it; losing control of money; end of the football season; being forty-two; being intollerant to wheat; boredom etc... It seemed to culminate on monday in me getting ill. I came home from work with the shivers thinking I had sunstroke - though I hadn't been out in the sun much. I took to my bed and sweated and dozed for about 19 hours. I got up yesterday and went to work feeling a bit better.

I went to see a friend last night and told her I felt like grumbling but I wasn't sure what about.

I woke up this morning and something seemed to have lifted. I had energy and an outlook full of possibilities. I had an urge to weigh myself - something I haven't done for about 5 months. I had lost half a stone - without trying - the benefits of a wheat free diet I expect.

Things are looking up.

Stopped
I was stopped by the police on sunday. I was just coming into Coronation Road taking my son and his cousin back after a birthday related sleep-over.
"No need to worry", said Plod as I opened the window, "It's part of Operation Summer Toxin....can you tell me when you last had an alcoholic drink?"
"Ummm...what is it now?", I said "Sunday?". I looked and probably sounded blank as I scanned my mind through the activities of the previous day (singing in a choir at a fair then going to the Monster Jam at the Millenium Stadium)
"How about in the last twelve hours?", he said putting me out of my misery.
"Oh... I didn't drink yesterday". I said
"That's fine sir", He said, "That'll be all".
I drove off feeling slightly pleased with myself and slightly ashamed that I'm so boring.

Lost
I don't seem to be able to find the time or the energy.

I know I put it somewhere - it'll come back to me in a minute. Have you got it - didn't you borrow it the other day? No? Ok - it must be here somewhere. I'll keep looking.