Reward
I played badly at the open mic last night. During my first song - the one I was most confident about - I forgot the words of the third verse and messed up the chords. People talked loudly amongst themselves - I obviously didn't disturb them. They may have been turning away from me to cover their embarassment. The MC thanked me for getting up.
"Thank you for being crap you mean," I muttered to his partner who I was sharing a table with".
"You just need to practice more", she said in her frank way. I hated her frankness and wanted platitudes - but I knew she was right. Its always the reason - that or I've chosen the wrong song.
"I always prefer your own songs" said someone else. She always says that - but its quite nice.
I downed my pint and approached the bar. I wanted to get a free pint as consolation. I saw the landlord round the corner and moved along so he would see me and have to serve me. He had bought me a drink a few weeks ago and I hoped it had become a habit - as it is in many open mic sessions. He did come and serve me. I held out a fiver hoping he would decline it.
"That's £2.70" he said - taking the note.
I'm being punished - I thought - for fucking up.
People who perform badly have more need of a free drink than those who play well.