Charity begins...
The doorbell went about 8pm. We don’t usually get many unsolicited callers but I’ve had a few lately as friends have called to see how I am. Sometimes I have to struggle with the impulse not to let them invade my world of solitude. We all know where that road ends.
Anyway – this wasn’t a friend of a well wisher. She was collecting for charity – a cancer charity – and of course they never tell you what they are doing ‘cos that would make it too easy for you to shut them up before they have got your guilt going. Well I am quite practiced in this so when she said
“I’m from blah blah blah Cancer and have you heard of them before?”
I said in as polite a voice of possible “I wouldn’t like to hear about them”.
She looked a bit surprised (What do other people say?) and said
“Well that couldn’t have been more blunt” as she left.
As I went back to the washing up I wondered if what I really wanted to say was
“Well actually I’m just getting over skin cancer and I don’t generally give to charities so you’d be wasting your time and I work for a charity and if I were to give to a charity it wouldn’t be because someone knocked on my door because I hate being sold to.”
But if I had – she would have said something else and it would have taken longer and probably would have felt worse.

Film 2006
Last wednesday I went back to hospital for my results. I both got the all clear and had another 2 cm strip of skin removed from my back - just in case. I've been pretty uncomfortable since then and not able to sit at the computer so unable to keep the eager reader posted of my movie watching itinery. Needless to say - I have been keeping both DVD and VHS rolling through this time and what follows is a list of films I have seens since last mentioning them in this blog. If I have missed any out though medication induced memory lapse - you will be none the wiser.
There were at least two coincidences in my choice of film. I noticed these while my back was being cut on wednesday afternoon. (I was in need of distraction)
Coincidence #1 On Tuesday I watched Robert Altmans Short Cuts (A marvelous ensemble piece of interconnected stories set in LA) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108122/. On wednesday I heard that Altam had dies the day before aged 81.
Coincidence #2 On Weds morning I watched Oliver Stones JFK - my favourite conspiracy theory film ever. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102138/. Wednesday was 22nd November - the 43rd anniversary of the assassination of Kennedy.
Assassination films led me to hire "The assassination of Richard Nixon" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364961/ in which Sean Penn gives a DeNiro like performance as the little guy doing something bug for his moment of significance. It reminded me a lot of DeNiro's role as Rupert Pupkin in King of Comedy. (Mentioned on a previous posting).
Thinking of Richard Nixon drew me to Olivers Stone's biopic of the ex-preseident. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113987/. Anthony Hopkins is paranoid and intense as Nixon. I still don't understand the plot but like the feel of it.
Oliver Stone took me back to the film I always watch when I'm off sick. Platoon http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091763/. I love the way the good and bad fathers (Willem Defoe and Tom Berenger) fight for the soul of the hero Charlie Sheen. I hoped I would take some inspiration from Sgt Barnes(Berenger) order to a dying man to "Take the pain" rather than cry out giving their position away to the enemy. I didn't.
I felt very low by Friday morning as the pain from my wound wasn't getting any better and I was counting the hours until my next dose of painkillers. I looked to comedy to cheer me up in the form of Woody Allens "Take The Money and Run" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065063/. Who could fail to laugh at "Hand over the money I have a gub". Me actually because it hurt too much when I did.
In search of feel good titillation I reached for Boogie Nights http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118749/ Paul Thomas Andersons film about the porn industry in the 70's. Unfortunately it had taped wrong and I missed the end.
On TV was Jerry Maguire. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/. It had me at hello.
From the shelf came Girl Interrupted http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172493/ Winona and Angelina in a mental hospital. I would love them anywhere.
From a charity shop came The Firm http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106918/. I must like Tom Cruise. I watch a lot of his films.
As I start to feel a bit better I have watched the first 2 of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Not sure why. I just like them.
I've done a lot of crosswords and watched some football too.

My 8 incher

Wound Up

Wound Update

Iris, Rose and Frank
I amused myself today with only 2 films. Less time with the hospital appointment and going to the doctors and getting signed off work for the rest of the week.
The first was called "Under the Skin" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124185/ . It starred Samantha Morton(Iris) and Claire Rushbrook(Rose) as 2 sisters whose mother had died. They dealt with it in different ways - Rose by being prim and proper and Iris by sleeping with lots of blokes and generally going off the rails. Another fantastic performance by Morton. Honest and gritty.
Casting my eye along the video shelf I came accross Blue Velvet by David Lynch - a film I should have seen by now - but I haven't. I wasn't sure about it. Dennis Hopper was thoroughly terrifying as Frank Booth and it did keep me interested - but as often happens with Lynch - I lost the plot somewhere along the way.
I have no idea what excitement tommorow will bring.

Burden
I was totally psyched up when I went to the hospital this morning to get my test results. Unfortunately the same can't be said for the hospital - as the reslts weren't ready. I seethed as my stitches were removed by the sniffing and sneezing nurse form behind her mask.
"Come back on wednesday", they said "Is 2.30 OK?".
On the way home we bumped into a friend helping his elderly mother into his car.
"If I get to be a burden on my family - you should put me in a home", I said.
"What!" she said - with a surpize I hadn't expected.
I laughed with recognition.
"Not now" I said "When I'm old - you fool!".

Teething Problems
Me'n' er went to a new pub quiz tonight at the Porto Lounge in Fishponds. We struggled to think of a team name. I wanted us to be Mel and Omar - but she quite rightly dismissed it as bad taste. We settled for the Green Bankers. The quiz broke certain of my essential rules for a good quiz.

• You couldn't hear the questions properly
• He didn't give the answers until the end of the whole quiz. This mean't that there was no way of knowing how well you were doing and people had lot of chances to re-think their answers.
• You didn't get to hear other teams names until the end - which can be amusing.
• There was one round all about one TV programme - 24 - Too narrow. It excluded everyone who hadn't seen it - including us.

Having said that we won. Which was nice.

One for later
The one I saved for later was 9 1/2 Weeks. I wasn't going to mention it as I thought it would just be a titilating romp. It wads a lot more than that. It looked great - despite the 80's style and sounds and it was replete (good word!) with issues of power and control, image and substance, dominance and surrender, vulnerability and exposure.
It had some good horny bits too!

Glutton
I'm still at it. This might be the last day as the boy's coming tonight and I'm hoping to go back to work on monday after the hospital. She said I'm a glutton - that I'm becoming obsessed with what I'm doing - movies and crosswords - and not interested in anything else.
King of Comedy was great. DeNiro as the fan who wants to be famous for a day and ends up kidnapping his idol to do so. Everything about him is despete and creepy. (By the way - in this role with the moustache he bears a slight resemblance to an old friend of mine - Maybe he's been eating too many blue smarties.)
I watched a fourth film yesterday - Life is Sweet - Mike Leigh's picture of family life in the 90's. See it if you haven't. Nutella will never be the same again.
This morning I went back to Blockbusters. Got a Dr Who for him, one for later and I just watched The Woodsman. This stars Kevin Bacon as a paedophile who has come out of prison struggling with life on the outside and with his urges to re-offend. It was contraversial when it came out and I can see why. Having said that - it was in no way sympathetic to Bacon's behaviour - just descriptive. Glad I saw it. Very uncomfortable.
Back to my crossword now - what else is there to do?

...my wife?
Still here in movieland. Watched a third one yesterday but I can't remember what it was at the mo'. While I'm thinking about it I'll mention the two I've watched so far today. I've got a real taste for the old VHS tapes which have been gathering too much dust on my shelves for too long. I just watched Raging Bull (Why d'you fuck my wife?) - DeNiro's beautiful depiction of a despicable character. I'd forgotten that the fat and ageing Jake LaMotta rehearses the "I could've been a contender" speech from On the Waterfront into the mirror. I performed this speech with my partner at a caberet on a camp this summer. There's a bit in the middle which we didn't do. Maybe its from the stage version.
Ah yes - yesterdays third film was Minority Report. I love the portrayal on futuristic technology - see through computers which are manipulated by light sticks on your fingers.
First thing today I watched Millers Crossing - one of the early Coen Brother films. Its a classic "Film Noir" style with a weaving plot like The Maltese Falcon. Classy and gripping.
I'm off now continue the DeNiro/ Scorsese theme with "King of Comedy". See you later.

Easily Pleased
Still off work. Grateful to my manger who persuaded me to consider taking a bit longer. It feels like the wound heals a bit, then I move and it hurts. Its like there's no flexibility built into the healing.
Watch another rented DVD this morning. It was called ElizabethTown (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0368709/) directed by Cameron Crowe. I liked it. I think he makes really high quality romantic comedies. They have loads of good music in them and look great. Mostly they successfully manipulate my emotions (which I'm a bit of a sucker for). I thought Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst looked fantasic. I wanted to be him and to pull her.

Sometimes I think I'm too easily pleased by movies. I do like a lot that I see - but then again there are loads I hate - but I think I've become quite good at spotting them before I watch them.

Crossed wires
I took the car keys into the garage.
"Here you go" I said. He looked up from behind the counter.
"It's booked into tommorow for the cam belt".
"OK" he said as he cast an eye in his book.
"I can drive it but its parked outside my house... is that OK"
He looked up
"Why can't you drive it?"
"Because I've just had an operation" I said, defensively.
"Oh" he smiled "I though you mean't it wouldn't start.

Quiet Day In
I'm off work at the moment sick. I'm trying to not stretch or lift anything. My wound is sore and uncomfortable. I watched three films. I like watching films. I sometimes wonder how many i could watch in a day before getting fed up. This morning I watched a film that I rented from blockbuster. I was the only one of the 3 that I hadn't seen. I went up there yesterday on the bus (I can't drive at the mo') intending to hire 5 for a fiver for a week. That deal is now 3 for a fiver. I hate blockbusters. Anyway this film was called "Birth". It starred Nicole Kidman as a woman whose husband died 10 years ago.( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337876/) . A 10 year old boy comes into her life saying he is her dead husband and warning her not to marry her fiance. I liked it a lot.

The second film I watched was Sexy Beast(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203119/). It is by the same director Jonathan Glazer - which is what made me think of it. I've seen it a few times and love the way it is filmed as well as Ben Kingsley's portrayal of a real evil bastard - this has to be seen to be believed.

Sexy Beast has a heist in it which gave me an appetite for a heist movie. Oceans 11 jumped off the shelf the fit the bill. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0240772/). I love the convoluted way they stael the money and the film is only blemished by Don Cheadles appauling cockney accent.

I wonder what delights tommorow will hold.

In case you were wondering
If I ever have a mole removed from my knob - I won't be publishing a picture of it.

The Wound

More Snippets and some snips
Couldn't get though to the doctors - mum keeps saying to go private - suddenly
"They can see you at 10 o' clock tomorrow".
Leaving early - no spaces to park by the flats.
"I'm not paying £5 for a multi-storey"
The route to level 5 of the Queens Building is temporarily closed - walking through a gangway enclosed by plastic holding her hand , takeaway coffee in the other hand -
"I'm Dr Mohamed - this is my SHO - he'll be um... watching. Is that OK?".
"Please strip to your underwear"
My body being exhibited to other doctor - junior and senior - liking the attention - "We'll take it out now"
"What now... but, but.. OK.. I was expecting to come back in a week or two"
"You can come back if you like.."
"No now is fine.. I was expecting to go to work... can I make some calls... will I be able to drive..."
Lying on my front - stripped to the waist this time - still wearing my jeans - being introduced to the nurse as "This very nice man" by the doctor (I think he couldn't remember my name but it was sweet) - feeling the pain of the injection then feeling the sensation of my skin being tugged and cut, but with no pain - chatting to her as she watched telling her not to look as she might feel sick
"I'm OK" she said"
Talking about anything to take my mind of my back - who could we ask to pick up the car? - I wouldn't be able to play guitar - nurse asking me what music I liked - feeling shy about answering like a teenager - joking with the doctor when he finished stitching me up - have you still got your wristwatch on? - sittin up and feeling queasy - letting her dress me which felt intimate in fornt of the nurse.
Later when friends were round she said it looked like a piece of belly pork.

Professionals
"Hello, is Dr Jones in today?" (Not his real name)
"He's with someone at the moment" said the receptionist in a surprizingly friendly tone.
"Could you get him to phone me, please " I said.
"Can I take your name and number please?" - I gave them.
"Can I ask what it's in connection with?"
"I'm one of his patients"
"Oh!....(embarrassed) I thought you were a colleague or something...Oh!... well in that case...I'll leave a message for him to try to call you after surgery....it doesn't start until 4pm and it finishes at 6....he may be able to call you in between patients or if someone doesn't turn up."

Suspicious (I wrote this last night)
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago about a few things. One of them was mole. My partner has been nagging me to go for a couple of years now because I complain of it itching. I eventually went because I kept having bugs and my manager thought I should get it checked out. The doctor was very nice. He's been my GP for 20 years and said that as I hardly ever came to see him he would be overly cautious. he sent me for a chest x-ray and blood test and said that he would take a biopsy of my mole for examination.

I hadn't heard anything till tonight. I got home late after meeting my partner for a coffee after work. She's gone to her french class. I'm going for a couple of pints later. There was a letter which I opened nonchanantly while the cats cried to be fed. The word "suspicious" knocked me dead.

"Biopsy examination is suspicious and required urgent further assessment."

I fed the cats. Then I sat down and phoned my partner. She said she's come to the doctor with me in the morning. I felt guilty for phoning her. I checked the voice mail. There was a message form my doctor asking me to call him in the morning. I remembered my packet of chips and veggie burger going cold on the kitchen counter. I turned on the Simpsons and ate them (chips not Simpsons) - my thoughts projecting into the future.

I decided not to phone my mother. I was glad my son wasn't on MSN as I would have had to lie to him too. I checked my emails. I looked at the blogs of my friends and then checked back through my own to see if I had mentioed the biopsy. I noticed another local blogger had left a comment and linked her blog to mine. I looked at hers briefly and left a polite message but didn't feel able to read much of her blog.

I rushed to the toilet with diarrhoea.

Without much more thought I wrote this.